My health is the part of me that people don't see or pay attention to or discuss with me when they look at our life. I don't see how it can be missed. I am a short, very round woman. To me, my health (or lack thereof) screams itself known as soon as I walk in the room. I've aged at least 10 years in appearance over the last three years. (I was looking at pictures of TRex's 1st birthday this morning. I looked soooooo much younger.) I don't want this for myself, but we are still in survival mode. We are working day to day, just trying to stay over the water. That doesn't leave time or energy for more.
Yet, one of the most common things that I am told by people is "I couldn't do it." People frequently tell me this after asking about the Dancing Queen or learning we've been in the hospital again or just hearing what is on my plate (even other heart moms who know I work full time or know I am an attorney). I guess they don't link my flabby exterior to everything else I have on my plate.
I have two regular responses to this statement: (1) "Yes, you could. It's what any good parent would do." (2) "I have no choice." In my head though, I'm yelling: "Give me a break! You mean 'thank goodness I don't have to do what you do.'" Perhaps that is pessimistic of me, but I don't believe my family is all that different from any other family, except we won the lottery of bad luck.
There is no known cause for the Dancing Queen's chromosomal abnormality and while it is likely that her heart defects are caused by the chromosomal abnormality, nobody knows for sure. I did everything I was supposed to do. I stopped drinking and caffeine before I started to try getting pregnant. I was on pre-natal vitamins before. I didn't eat soft cheeses, lunch meat, tuna, canned foods, etc. I didn't smoke and I would leave the room if someone else was smoking. I did a ton more, but can't remember now (probably cause I am sick). But the point is, it happened and we are stuck with it and we do what we must because there is no other choice and there never has been. This is my family and I will make it work because it has to.
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Since I have a hard time not being accurate when I write, there is one caveat to the penultimate sentence of this post. Technically, we were given the choice of all choices when we learned of the Dancing Queen's conditions in utero. However, to us, there was never a choice to not protect our baby, but that is a post for a different time.
I am lucky to have 3 healthy kids, but I can sympathize with feeling overwhelmed and just doing what you have to do to get through each day. When I found out that I was having twins, it was a huge shock - especially since I did not want more than two children. Like you, I was given the choice not to continue with the pregnancy, and I chose for them both to be born. So now, we are just dealing with each crazy, stressful day as it comes.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're sick again. I have no helpful words, except maybe a gentle reminder to try to get some rest. (Which I'm sure is nearly impossible for you.)
{{{HUG}}} dear friend!! Boy you just took the words straight out of my mouth. I cringe when I hear people say "don't know how you do it" or "I wouldn't be that strong to hold it together all the time", etc. As if I am that much stronger than anyone else because I am still able to fake a smile on a bad day. I would do anything that any normal parent would do for their child. I'm still a mom. I would lay my life down for either one of my children.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard. I agree. I do not take care of myself either. I am always run down, fatigued, stretched thin and making poor choices at meal time. Not to mention all of the emotional strain that comes along with this job too. However, like you mentioned above, it is a trade off that comes with the ultimate blessing of getting to be the mother of such an amazing child.
I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel 100% ok with everything but please know that I understand where you are coming from. {{{HUG}}} I'm always here if you just need someone to vent to or chat with.
I've been so long getting around to anything other than my e-mail problems (which really are insignificant but frustrating) to even check on you and the Dancing Queen. I hope I'm too late to wish you good health--that you are already feeling better.
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned the "ultimate blessing of getting to be the mother of such an amazing child" and I agree wholeheartedly that is a most important and wonderful part of your (and your family's) life--yesterday, today and tomorrow!!
Best,
Bonnie